Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Life Goes On

Well, it has been a week since my life changed. I'm ok, still a little emotionally and spiritually numb, but I'm making it. In order to maintain peace, I was encouraged to eat crow, cowtow and reinstate the status quo.


So what now? Take it as long as I can before I explode. See I am a tad bit passive aggressive. I hold shit in, and then I burst. So one day, they will look up and I will be gone. I shared this with my best friend (since high school). "I will tell them why you left," she laughed. I laughed with her. It is all very ridiculous. It is time for me to leave. I will return one day, but I do need to but some miles between us for awhile.

It is strange. I am not angry. I am a little afraid, but overall, I'm ok. Who wants to loose their family? But they did not choose me, so why am I concerned? I feel strangely at peace about it all. It will resolve itself according to God's will. I know that my time here is short. Soon, I will be free. Not sure how (hmm, be careful what you ask for) but I would pray that God would not devastate our lives.

I just want to be free, that's all. I want to be happy. You know, I have never been happy? I think that the last time I was happy was in 5th grade. Yes, I was happy in 5th grade and the first few weeks of 6th grade, before transfering to a new school. I have not been happy since. I would be nice to be happy again.


  1. I truly hope you find happiness soon. You are always in my thoughts. God will take care of you.

  2. Beautiful picture of a happy girl. I pray you find that happiness again. God is in the business of healing broken hearts. He loves you so much and will do it for you. Hugs! :O)

  3. Hello Claudia! Thank you so much for visiting "My Heart Speaks..." and deciding to follow! That is very encouraging to me because I sometimes think that my honesty will "scare" folk away!

    I have read a few posts of yours and I am very intrigued! You write like I want to do; REAL! I'm going to keep "snooping" around a bit if you don't mind.

    Lastly, I'd planned on giving my 50th follower an appreciation gift. I've been waiting on it for so long! Well, thank you for making that happen! If you would, please send me your mailing address so that I can send your gift to you!

    Thanks again so much, I really am excited and looking forward to "getting to know you!"


  4. You are sweet Larie. I found your writing to be captivating and real. What are you talking about?