Tuesday, September 22, 2009

B*tch and Moan - Day 2

I just got my boss off to the airport. It has been a busy day full of scheduling, screwing up the schedule, fixing the schedule, editing docs, getting breakfast. I'm pooped.

I got paid today. Rather, everyone I owe money to got paid today. I'm broke again.

I really need something new and exciting in my life. Sure, stuff happens to me, but it is usually not enjoyable. I try to make myself and others around me happy by telling jokes and goofing off, but even that is getting old. I have nothing left to give. I realized on the train ride in that I have nothing to look forward to in life... I just work and pay bills. There is nothing tangible to anticipate. Folks around me plan trips and such. I plan them too, simply for other people. Since I cannot live my own dreams, I live vicariously through others.

I dream of having a nice quiet place of my own, to sleep in my own bed, to get up in the morning at my leisure. I am grateful to have somewhere to stay. I guess that I just want my life back. No, I want a better life than what I had before.

In any case, I have plenty to be thankful for. I have a job and I have a place to stay. Most of all, I have somewhere to escape to. The novels are my private little world, watching as Lela navigate the ups and downs of her world. Not that Lela's life is so great (much of it stinks) but I enjoy Beatrice's life (Lela reincarnated, current times). Once Bea meets Octavius, her life definitely takes the turn for the better, that's for sure! I always dream of meeting my Octavius. Wouldn't it be nice to dream up those whom we wish to meet? I guess that we do on some level. I always believed that writers channel souls from other times in space, giving them a voice here in our world.

In any case, I need to get back to work. My lunch break (yes, it's late today) is nearly over. I must finish auditing my bosses expenses and set up book meeting space for them in Florida.


  1. I just wanted to stop in and let you know I am thinking of you, and I hope you are feeling better today. Take some deep breaths and love yourself, cherish yourself, just a little.