Blah!

Blah! What else can I say? It is the end of a pretty busy work day. I now sit here at my computer, wondering what to do. Not that I don't have plenty to do, but no desire to do any of it. I don't feel like writing (although it is all I think about), don't want to go home, don't want to go and hang out, don't want to do any backoffice work. Blah!

I am bored to tears. Not unhappy, just bored. Not sure what to do or where to go. I'm sleepy but I cannot find a place to rest. I dream of being on a island somewhere in a big fluffy bed... But then I would be irritated because the sun would awaken me. Perhaps not. I would be fully rested, ready to engage a new day!

Hmmm. I don't even feel like writing this blog. What do I wish to do? Something different, but I am not sure if I have the energy to do even that.

I think that my problem is that since I cannot live my dream, I do not wish to do anything at all. I want to go out on a date with a guy. I want the guy to like me. I want to have a good time. I want it to grow into something more. I don't want him to be crazy. I want him to like me and pursue me (not stalk me). LOLLOL And yes, I may even have someone in mind. Yup I am sure of it. In the words of Hannible Lector, 'You covet what you see everyday.' Creepy but true.  But hey, it is all in good fun. I expect nothing from it.

But, these are just dreams. You know, the stuff that novels are made of. ;-)

Well, I shall return tomorrow to write another day. Have a great weekend!

Get on Track!

Unbelievable. I have done absolutely nothing with my novels. Maybe I'm burnt out. LOL In any case, that is all I think of. I dream of different scenes and characters. A funny line will pop into my head. I guess that they are calling me back. Hey, they miss me too!

I think that I'm probably procrastinating. I do not feel like writing a synopsis for La Fleur.

I'm exhausted. I finally went to bed at about 4am this morning. It is now just before 10am, and here I am.

I feel this tremendous pressure to finish; however, I am resisiting, not working as diligently as I should. Procrastination is taking a stand. Perhaps on some level I do not wish to finish it. Maybe I am simply tired and need rest. Whatever it is, I must get past it.

Suddenly, it all seems so big. And it is. 340,000 words is quite a bit of text to edit. But I have already done so a several times over the past years, why the sudden weariness?

And now, I have the added the task of surfing the web, searching for readers for this novel. The task is very consuming... Meeting other writers, reading other manuscripts and comparing them to my own. There are so many great writers out there.

Maybe that is my problem. I am afraid... I fear that my work will not measure up, that it is not good enough, that no one will be interested in reading a 1,000 page plus novel. My own family and friends will not do it, do not have the time perhaps... Why should I expect strangers to do so?

Last night, I dreamed that this person had made the red card for me out of construction paper, shaped similar to a christmas tree, with petals of sort that flipped up in pages. I read some of the pages, and there were messages on them from famous authors. I remember reading one message, and someone had applied the stamped signature for Maya Angelou.

Maybe the dream is encouraging me to perservere on.